RuLEs Of FrIENdshIp

So guys I really wanted to share something that my good friend Jason Cupp shared with me…

It’s was 1 am last night and we were both up talking about random stuff and the topic of friendship came up…. so he asked me if he ever shared these rules of friendship with me… and I sat there staring at my screen with a blank look lol…. what? I didn’t know there were “rules” I thought everything was just assumingly awesome between friends! NOT!

Ever had friendship ends badly? Ever have this awkward tension when you’re hanging out with a friend? Ever feel like your friend is judging you? Does your friend have your back? Will they do the same for you that you will for them???

Well those questions, really shouldn’t be there…. Check this out – They are Jason’s words verbatim.

Rule # 1

I want to spend time with people who want to spend time with me

Rule # 2

I want and need friendships that are two way streets …meaning if i was the one always calling you or texting you or facebooking you no go – friendships are reciprocal

Rule # 3

I want friends who i can tell the best of news or the worst of news and their opinion of me does not change

meaning, unconditional friendship

Rule # 4

I learned that I had a lot of friends and they took advantage of that friendship in a major way like ask me for plane tickets with my miles, and free business advice, and stuff like that

So I actually segmented my friends into “inner circle, circle and acquaintances” and the inner circle gets my immediate attention: replies to emails, texts, invitation to parties the circle gets less, and acquaintances get me via the internet or when its convenient

Don’t these rules seem a bit rash?? Not really when you actually think about it….. so take a moment… and THINK ABOUT IT…. done?

Well here’s my application of the rules..

#1

Back in Junior High, I used to try hanging out with people who weren’t really my friends… they were the “popular” crowd so it felt good to be sitting by them…the reality was they really never wanted me there and i was just another kid they could always go to, to make fun of…pretty pathetic… but nonetheless, the truth, so I decide to be a “loser” and actually hangout with people that i got along with and appreciated me…. and just by doing that… my life changed… i made some of my very good friends for a long period in my life then… unfortunately i didn’t really apply the other rules, so they’re essential too, but lesson learned!

#2

Well I’m not even going to try and explain this one…I am positive there are “friends” that you know, that ONLY call you when they need something from you…. sorry my friends… that doesn’t work; in fact it lowers your self esteem to even respond to those texts, phone calls, or emails, so there’s no need to respond to people that are only calling you when they need something, or just aren’t the ones making an effort to reach out to you.

#3

This is a tough one…. really tough one… because everyone judges you, don’t they? Isn’t it some innate behavior that’s built into humans? Well, i’ll tell you this much, true friends have ways of overriding this innate behavior that’s programmed in us…. but the fact that they have accepted you for exactly who you are….. doesn’t mean they don’t try to advise you when you’re doing something wrong, or don’t get upset with you when you do or don’t do something they want or don’t want you to do… it simply means, regardless of their feelings at the temporary moment they will forgive and forget and not let it effect their acceptance of you.

#4

This one is sort of tough one as well…… “inner circle, circle, acquaintances”??? Well, here’s the deal, this isn’t a static segmentation… rather it’s a more liquid segmentation. For example, Jason and I have only known each other for a couple of months, but I can confidently say he’s is one of my very good friends and most definitely in my “inner circle” because like he said….”Friendships aren’t give, they’re earned” and thankfully we both have earned each others friendships.

By the way guys, this doesn’t mean you turn your friendships into some sort of a corporate bureaucracy… they’re just guidelines that you can always go to…. they’re to help protect you from all the bad relationships and horrible people you will face… doesn’t mean this is the wall of china against bad people, but it’s definitely helpful!

-Hamza